Facing Codependence – Book Review

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Much has been written about codependency but Pia Mellody nails it in Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives.

Writing in plain, straight forward language, without resorting to a first grade reading level, she identifies the core characteristics of codependency and leads us on a path of healing.  Even when we found ourselves checking every box, her soothing words welcomed us and let us take up our space.

5 Core Symptoms of Codependence
✅ Experiencing appropriate levels of self-esteem
✅ Setting functional boundaries
✅ Owning and expressing their reality
✅ Taking care of their adult needs and wants
✅ Experiencing and expressing their reality moderately
In addressing the roots of codependency, Pia Mellody also talks about how these patterns are passed on from generation to generation.  A child who was treated as an extension of their parent, instead of a wholly autonomous person on their own, may treat their children in the same manner.

"When we are unable to experience self-esteem from within but instead gather it from outside, we also are unable to appropriately esteem our children solely for who they are. Instead, we teach them other-esteem and praise them for their performance, their looks, their grades, and so on. We are also set up to shame them for their mistakes, their imperfections, and their other normal children's traits because we are basing our own esteem on them and their performance."
Facing Codependence Book Review
Revised and Updated With Over 600,000 Copies Sold Pia Mellody creates a framework for identifying codependent thinking, emotions and behaviour and provides an effective approach to recovery. Mellody sets forth five primary adult symptoms of this crippling condition, then traces their origin to emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuses that occur in childhood. Central to Mellody's approach is the concept that the codependent adult's injured inner child needs healing. Recovery from codependence, therefore, involves…

I've highly recommended this book to clients and friends alike in both paperback and audiobook form.  Try it out and let me know what you think.

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